haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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