Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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