dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
