omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
