I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
