omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
