Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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