i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
