just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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