Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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