Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
