he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
