one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
