i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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