We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
