yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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