I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
