omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
