You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
