does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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