Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize