I feel like abortions should bother me more
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
