I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
