He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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