I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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