Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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