The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
