I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
