Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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