Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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