I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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