i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.