I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
