I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
