Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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