my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
