dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
