New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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