You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just made my gag reflex go away.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
