she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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