If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize