I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize