I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
