now i know why i became what i already was.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
