His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize