Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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