You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
