why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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