He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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