The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
