sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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