Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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