We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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