After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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