shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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