I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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