new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
