i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
