Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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