ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
