Just fell off a train. Bad.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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