dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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