Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
