I'm gonna have a badass scar
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
