Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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