I just made out with a guy for $7.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
