Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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